Ok ok ok ok! I am FINALLY returning and updating (hopefully) regularly now. I got stuck in a lazy, procrastinating cycle but now I’m out and back in the foodie world.

(The baby panda represents me returning to the blog..and the person dressed up in the panda suit is a crazy person dressed up in a panda suit.)

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One of my favorite spots for a quick bite to eat is Charlie’s Pastries in Lauderhill. The BEST Jamaican beef patties and coco bread! And everything is SO CHEAP too!

It’s right off of 441, just north of Sunrise Blvd. It’s in this kind of sketchy looking shopping plaza but trust me, it’s a hidden gem. Charlie’s is not a “sit down and be served” type of place- you walk in, most likely have to wait in line, place your order, grab the food, and go. The patties and coco bread are constantly being pushed out, like kids coming out of the Duggar wife (don’t get the reference? Click here or here). But unlike her vag, these pastries are fresh and hot. 

I always get a spicy beef patty and coco bread. I CRAVE this meal and it pains my heart that I haven’t found a similar restaurant in Miami. I’ve heard of Sonia’s Patties, but I’m not going to drive all the way to Kendall unless I have at least 5 other things on my “To Do” list. 

For both items, it’s a little under $3. THREE FUCKING DOLLARS! If you add a drink (fruit punch or Ting are my favorites), then your meal will be under $5. FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS! 

For readers who didn’t run out of their house to go to Charlie’s after reading how cheap the food was or for those who aren’t keen to Jamaican cuisine and are wondering, “What in the heck is this coco bread she keeps mentioning?” I made a guide on how to eat a patty and coco bread properly. 

According to Wikipedia (and we ALL know how reliable Wikipedia is), “coco bread is eaten in Jamaica and other areas of the Caribbean. As the name suggests, the bread contains a bit of coconut milk. It is starchy and slightly sweet. It is often split in half and stuffed with a Jamaican patty to form a sandwich.”

So first you take the coco bread and find the little slit along the side. Then dig your fingers into the scalding hot middle until it opens completely and you have suffered third degree burns from the steam escaping.

Next, take the patty and place it onto one side of the bread, like so:

Then, close that fucker up. (I like to use that Barbara Walters soft focus lighting when taking photos of food I’m in love with.)

Finally, eat that shit!

I recently made a stop to Otentic, this new French restaurant that opened a couple of months ago around the block from my job. A few of my co-workers had eaten there and raved about how great the food was. Located on one of the sketchier blocks on Washington, this place stands out. I had eyed the menu beforehand and was shocked at the low prices.

When we walked in, we were greeted by the owner, who recognized my boyfriend from a previous visit. Right when we sat down, we were handed menus and a tiny little glass of white wine. I ordered a chicken and cheese crepe. Normally I’m not too big of a fan of “real food” crepes, I like to eat dessert crepes. But for some reason, I decided to go for it. 

It was pretty yummy but I will probably order something different next time I’m there. It wasn’t bad at all; I did eat the entire thing. I’m just not into crepes that much when they aren’t covered in caramel and stuffed with strawberries.

We also ordered some french fries.

Seriously, some of the best I’ve ever tasted. You can tell that they are hand cut and made fresh. They reminded me of the little potato sticks that you get in the can but way bigger. Thin, crispy and flavorful. Mmmmm so good.

Otentic also offers desserts that range from $5.30-6.45. The first time I saw the menu, I wanted to try to Cafe Gourmand, which is basically a sampler of all their desserts. It includes a mini crème brûlée, mini moelleux au chocolat (molten chocolate cake slice), roasted pineapple, “the best vanilla ice cream” and coffee or tea….and all for $6.15! 

Everything on the plate was delicious. My boyfriend LOVED the roasted pineapple. The cake was really light and moist. The crème brûlée was my favorite. It was flawless. The first “crack” of the sugar top was surprisingly perfect. It was a sign of good things to follow. I hate crème brûlées with a soggy top that seem to drag to the bottom of the plate instead of cracking apart. The custard was the right temperature, not too cold and tasty as hell. The owner did tell us that he put it in a bigger bowl for us to all share, though. So if you order it and get a smaller size, don’t hate me. 

 A little warning: they don’t have their own bathroom, they share a public restroom with the rest of the stores on the block. It feels pretty gross. Like I told my friend, I’ve never been to NYC but I would imagine it would feel a little like that - dingy, grimy and loud yelling next door.

I definitely recommend this place for anyone in the South Beach area that is looking for somewhere new and good to eat. They are open until 1AM from Monday-Thursday and Sundays and close at 5AM on Fridays and Saturdays. Give La Sandwicherie, Big Pink and Rustica a rest and go to Otentic! 

Possibly the best sandwich spot on South Beach, La Sandwicherie consistently serves up fresh sandwiches, salads and smoothies. Open every day until 5AM, this place is a healthier choice to the normal late night pizza slice. In addition to the fresh ingredients La Sandwicherie uses, the price is perfect. All items range from about $6-9, with a drink and everything you can get a meal for like $11 and everything is BIG. The sandwiches are packed full with toppings and their salads are piled onto humongous plates. South Beach restaurants are typically pricey for mediocre food so finding a place that is inexpensive for a LOT of good food is like getting a 2 for 1 lap dance from your favorite stripper…EVERY TIME YOU GO! 

One of my favorites is the chicken caesar salad (hold the black olives). Lots of dressing and chicken, yummy croutons and they basically give you an entire loaf of bread on the side. 

La Sandwicherie also has their infamous vinaigrette dressing aka The Crack Sauce. Personally, it’s a little too much for me but I know a lot of people who cover their entire sandwiches in this stuff. 

A few warnings about this place though : 

-Outdoor seating only. If it’s pouring rain, don’t even think about going here.

-All their meat is sliced deli meat. Don’t expect chicken breasts or sliced steak. But they can prepare any sandwich “hot” by putting it in a toaster oven.

-After 10PM, they add a 10% gratuity to your check, so think twice before you unknowingly over tip.

-They play the most horrible music. 

Next time you are on the beach, either coming off of the sand or stumbling wasted out of a club or bar, make a stop to La Sandwicherie on 14th Street to fill your tummy (or to soak up the alcohol, you drunk!).